What color am I ?

I really enjoy these personality tests, not so much as finding out about myself, I think I have  pretty good knowledge after all these years who I am. Unfortunately I am not the same person I was as a child. It has to change when you enter the gown-up world. Naturally I need to be different to be able to fit in to the role of being a responsible adult. Taking those test I do get mostly the same results. I tend to be easy going, spontaneous and social. I need changes in my life to be able to feel satisfied.

For awhile I think you can actually fake it, in the sense that you will put up with a lot without getting to upset, that was the case with me, I am very flexible when it comes to adapting to new situations. I can even find unpredictable  to be fun. At least something is happening right? As I said you can fake it for awhile and actually think that you like it, but eventually it will come back and hunt you. That is what happened to me, I wanted so bad to be someone I was not. I wanted to be just like my husband, controlled smart and successful. So I changed, I changed to fit in,  changed because I am flexible and don´t really mind trying different things. So after years of trying to be someone I am not, try to be that person my husband wants and adore I just could not do it anymore.

His personality is my opposite, and in someway yes, I think he liked the carefreeness I brought in to the relationship in the beginning. Believe me it was no walk in the park for him. I was a wild child. But he probably saw it as a mission to change me and he managed for awhile… until I woke up one morning and started question my self. Who am I, what have I become? where am I heading? who´s life am I living?

I hade become a different person, who in one way had let my self down completely, who no longer knew who I was. Yes I was a wife, a mother and a good friend, but where had that curious kid disappeared? the one who was alway looking for an adventure, who believed in my self, a happy easy going kid? well she was almost gone. I took me a long time to get her to come out and play. And I tell you to bring her back is difficult. Not so much my own inne voice anymore ( it did in the beginning) but the people around me who was used to me the way I was. I do feel a bit sorry for my husband since he really did not know, or understand that who I pretend to be was not really me..

So today she is out, and it is a struggle, but I refuse to give her up, She (I) is worthy all the struggle since she is unique. If I had not done this now, I would probably become bitter and angry along the path. SO what is my conclusion of the different personalities? We need them all. I believe we have 4 or 5 different types more or less, you have traits from all of them but one will be more dominant.. Explore that one, and let her grow, she is here for a reason.. your reason for living is to live your life not live someones else. Life.

Enjoy

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