I can see that the change I am going through is far from easy. For me its a wake up call, something that has been nesting inside of me for far to long. It´s just that when the time came for me to live like I was suppose to, the rest of the family was not really following in the same footsteps. All of a sudden I was changed, for the better in my world but maybe not in theirs.
But I figure they will get use to it, if they agree they will stick around and if not they won´t then I might have to let go. For me to be honest it´s not really a change but more of a living truthfully to my self. Find my own purpose, and stick to it. I have always been that nice girl who never made a fuzz, I was always the easy one if you compare me to my sister. It has not served me at all. Thinking back, I would let people “control” me in all sort of ways. From my mom always had a say about my friends, my boyfriends, choices of school etc. I was always a bit afraid of conflict so I found and escape route. Since I was not strong enough to stand up for what I believed in I would take the easy way out and escape.. this has been the red thread in my life.
I live up to other people expectations and than down the line I wake up and realize that this is not at all where I want to be, and most of all this is not me. And also because I know where I want to go I try to minimize any distribution, I only tell a few souls about where I want to go. The risk is otherwise that I will again start to listening to peoples advice and start doubting my self and end up going down the same path all over again.
So with that said, I am here now, fighting one of the toughest battles in my life, because all of a sudden things start to go my way, It’s like a magic switch. I love it and I have longed for it for such a long time but is is also scary. I need to keep on working on my goals and most of all my own development plan. Set higher standards for my self and for what I accept from my surroundings and man it is hard.
Because I do not want to hurt anyones feelings. I want to be happy with my life choices, not wake up one day and see that my life have passed and I did not accomplish anything.
I am on my way and I am unstoppable